Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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