Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
