wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
