I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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