that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
