why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
