He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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