Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Panties = found
Randomize
