omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
