My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
