stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
