you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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