my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
