I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
