Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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