you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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