i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
