I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
