You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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