You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
