Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was born a porn star she said
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
