Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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