btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
