Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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