There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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