singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
