Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
not ubering you a puppy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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