I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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