this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
