you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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