i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
