All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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