I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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