his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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