Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
