There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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