I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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