this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
