she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
