i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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