Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
