He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
