He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
