apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
