"it" just moved
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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