nut hugger
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
