Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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