This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
