I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
