I like to think it a success when the cops are called
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
