Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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