Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
