Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
