Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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