Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Michael Bay diarrhea
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
