And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
