can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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