I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
