Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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