The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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