someone owes me an orgasm
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize