hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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