how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
