Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
