Got a toothbrush?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
