Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
