Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
