Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
