Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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