i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize