Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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