why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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