it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
