i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
