After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
