i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
