and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
